i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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