so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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