I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
