her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Two words: blizzard sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
