I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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