Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
