Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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