Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
