U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
