Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have post one night stand depression
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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