I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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