I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
