their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
