I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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