Do you still have your period?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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