So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
