He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
