he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
