I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
