You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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