one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They took my balls.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
