420 ftw
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
