So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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