I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
