I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This baby is an asshole
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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