he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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