ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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