I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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