Banned from zoo.
Again?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
