My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
