Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize