I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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