He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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