I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
