i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
