Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
