1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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