my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
