Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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