he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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