does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
