What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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