He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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