um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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