You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do herpes really smell.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
