Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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