I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
