I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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