we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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