'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
