Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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