so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
