I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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