i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
