just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
that is very illegal...i love you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
