I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
