I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
