so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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