whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm determined to sit on that face.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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