I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
