just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
